With my flu induced headache now contained to only one eyeball, I decided to clean out my email inbox. During the process I came across several “touching” letters. Here are a couple of excerpts (with comments).
Dear Friend, (I love it when people make me feel special)
My name is Mrs. Wendy Rosemary King I am a dying woman who has decided to donate what I have to charity through you. You may be wondering why I chose you.
(the thought has crossed my mind)
But someone has to be chosen.
(I guess that’s as good a reason as any)
I am 59 years old and was diagnosed for cancer about 2 years ago
(that’s actually tragic, even for a fictional character) ,
immediately after the death of my husband who had left me everything he worked for .
(obviously an upstanding gentleman)
I have been touched by the Lord to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to charity through you (who me?) for the good work of humanity, rather than allow my relatives to use my husband’s hard earned funds inappropriately.
(The Lord directed you to me – directly? Well, the Bible says God has the very hairs of our heads numbered, so why should I be surprised that God knows my email address? Plus what’s more fun than “sticking it” to a bunch of greedy relatives ?)
At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls, due to the fact that my relatives are around me
(Death bed vultures, no doubt)
I will be going in for an operation, and I pray that I survive the operation. I have decided to WILL/Donate the sum of $5.5 Million (Five Million five Hundred thousand Dollars) to charity through you for the good work of the Lord, and to help the motherless, less privileged and also for the assistance of the widows.I know i have never met you but my mind tells me to do this,and I hope you act sincerely. (There’s not a greedy bone in this body. Now did you say you were sending the check in my name?) I will pay you 30% of this money if you will assist me because I am now too weak and fragile to do things myself because of my cancer.
(Hmm, thats $1.65 Million. I could afford to pay wordpress and update my plain jane template with new fonts and stuff!)I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task is accomplished,as I don’t want anything that will jeopardize my last wish, due to the fact that I do not want relatives or family members standing in the way of my last wish..Here is my private email ( firstname.lastname@example.org ) you can email me back there.
(oops, I guess I just ruined the confidentiality thing. Ya think I’ll still get paid?)PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR FULL NAME, ADDRESS,TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBER ON YOUR REPLY FOR EASY AND IMMEDIATE COMMUNICATION WITH MY CONSULTANT.
(Seriously, you must be kidding)
Then there was this letter from David.
– Attn,we have concoulded yesterday with the governor of eco bank here in benin republic that you should start receiving your paymenyt of$1.200,000.00 usd through westerrn union money transfer from tomorrow (what did I do to deserve this? Not that I’m complaining or anything) , but you will be receiving $5000 usd only per a day , so you are advice to contact the western union operator Mr.Alhaji Babayaro (That’s quite a name), Right now contact him and re-confirm your information to him right away so that he will send you your money controll number of your first payment of $5000 for you topick it up in any western union arround you . Here is Mr. Alhaji Babayaro His email(email@example.com) His phone..+229-98846651 3And also here is the informations you need to send to him , your receiver’s name…. your country code………… your telephone number….. All this informations is to avoid sending your money to wrong person,yours in service Mr.DAVID Obiorah Financial Minister Federal Republic of Benin Western union (just to be certain, maybe I should send my social security number, set of fingerprints, and blood type)
Have you received any offers that are too good to be true? My previous post The Anatomy of Spam further explores the junk email phenomenon.