Dear Friend,

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 10:48 am 18 comments

With my flu induced headache now contained to only one eyeball, I decided to clean out my email inbox.  During the process I came across several “touching”  letters.  Here are a couple of excerpts (with comments). 

Dear Friend, (I love it when people make me feel special)

My name is Mrs. Wendy Rosemary King I am a dying woman who has decided to donate what I have to charity through you.  You may be wondering why I chose you.
(the thought has crossed my mind) 
But someone has to be chosen.
(I guess that’s as good a reason as any) 
I am 59 years old and was diagnosed for cancer about 2 years ago
(that’s actually tragic, even for a fictional character)  ,
immediately after the death of my husband who had left me everything he worked for . 
(obviously an upstanding gentleman) 
I have been touched by the Lord to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to charity through you (who me?)  for the good work of humanity, rather than allow my relatives to use my husband’s hard earned funds inappropriately. 
(The Lord directed you to me – directly?  Well, the Bible says God has the very hairs of our heads numbered, so why should I be surprised that God knows my email address?  Plus what’s more fun than “sticking it” to a bunch of greedy relatives ?)
 At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls, due to the fact that my relatives are around me
(Death bed vultures, no doubt)

I will be going in for an operation, and I pray that I survive the operation. I have decided to WILL/Donate the sum of $5.5 Million (Five Million five Hundred thousand Dollars) to charity through you for the good work of the Lord, and to help the motherless, less privileged and also for the assistance of the widows.I know i have never met you but my mind tells me to do this,and I hope you act sincerely. (There’s not a greedy bone in this body.  Now did you say you were sending the check in my name?)  I will pay you 30% of this money if you will assist me because I am now too weak and fragile to do things myself because of my cancer.
(Hmm, thats $1.65 Million.  I could afford to pay wordpress and update my plain jane template with new fonts and stuff!)
I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task is accomplished,as I don’t want anything that will jeopardize my last wish, due to the fact that I do not want relatives or family members standing in the way of my last wish..Here is my private email ( mrs.wendyhomes@gmail.com ) you can email me back there.
(oops, I guess I just ruined the confidentiality thing.  Ya think I’ll still get paid?)PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR FULL NAME, ADDRESS,TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBER ON YOUR REPLY FOR EASY AND IMMEDIATE COMMUNICATION WITH MY CONSULTANT.
(Seriously, you must be kidding)

 Mrs. Wendy

 

Then there was this letter from David.   

你現可電郵給我:david.obiorah@yahoo.com

– Attn,we have concoulded yesterday with the governor of eco bank here in benin republic that you should start receiving your paymenyt of$1.200,000.00 usd through westerrn union money transfer from tomorrow (what did I do to deserve this? Not that I’m complaining or anything) , but you will be receiving $5000 usd only per a day , so you are advice to contact the western union operator Mr.Alhaji Babayaro (That’s quite a name), Right now contact him and re-confirm your information to him right away so that he will send you your money controll number of your first payment of $5000 for you topick it up in any western union arround you . Here is Mr. Alhaji Babayaro His email(westernunoin@sify.com) His phone..+229-98846651 3And also here is the informations you need to send to him , your receiver’s name…. your country code………… your telephone number….. All this informations is to avoid sending your money to wrong person,yours in service Mr.DAVID Obiorah Financial Minister Federal Republic of Benin Western union (just to be certain, maybe I should send my social security number, set of fingerprints, and blood type)

Have you received any offers that are too good to be true?  My previous post The Anatomy of Spam further explores the junk email phenomenon.

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Entry filed under: Miscellaneous Stuff. Tags: , , , .

Buzz Buzz…Splat. They’re Dropping Like Flies Don’t Try This at Home

18 Comments Add your own

  • 1. S. Le  |  Friday, October 30, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    I’m glad we don’t get any emails like those. They would annoy me. Glad you are getting better. Is the rest of the family also?

    Happy Halloween.

    Reply
    • 2. Era  |  Friday, October 30, 2009 at 2:24 pm

      coming along slowly but surely, thanks. Happy Halloween.

      Reply
  • 3. sraikh  |  Friday, October 30, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    I used to but since have stopped getting them.

    Hopefully you guys are feeling better now

    Reply
    • 4. Era  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 5:16 am

      Share your secret. I don’t want them anymore either.

      Fevers are down, now it’s just bad cold sypmtoms.

      Reply
  • 5. Doraz  |  Friday, October 30, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    Strange…..too weird for me. Glad I do not get these! Hope you enjoy Halloween with that great family of yours and you do not get anymore of these emails! 🙂

    Reply
    • 6. Era  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 5:20 am

      I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one who gets these. HMMM. Have a great Halloween weekend. We’ll be cleaning and disinfecting the house and doing piles of laundry 🙂

      Reply
  • 7. Hannah  |  Friday, October 30, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    Man alive. Maybe I should check my spam box more often just for these laughs! Except I’d have to wade through all the porno. These people don’t get it — their horrendous grammar is a dead giveaway! Use some of those millions to hire an editor! LOL!

    Reply
    • 8. Era  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 5:27 am

      The amazing thing is that these don’t go to my spam box – which is full of much worse garbage. I faithfully mark these as spam but I get tons of them in various forms anyway. Being sick, bored, and cranky, I just decided to actually read a couple and entertain myself. Somehow I get marked as the “chosen one”. Does my email address look gullible? Is there a list somewhere with my picture next to my email address?

      Reply
  • 9. Tony  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 4:07 am

    I had the first one from Mrs Wendy a few months ago.
    Although you had more fun with it than I did. I didn’t blog about it because I didn’t want to breach this poor dying woman’s confidentiality request. I’m kinda sensitive like that.
    I got another one a few days ago that said I won so many milion euro in a lottery that I hadn’t entered in Norway or Sweden or another of those blonde people countries & all I had to do was to give them all my personal details so they could make fake passports or some other identity fraudulent activity & the money was mine.
    Like a complete fool I deleted the emails & didn’t respond so no doubt I will just remain an average Joe instead of soaring to the heights of the rich & wealthy.
    Darn It!!!

    Reply
    • 10. Era  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 5:36 am

      You mean I’m not her first choice? Now I’m really mad! My flu induced insensitivity just quadrupled. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be hearing from the lottery officials again. They’re very persistent with their generousity.

      Reply
  • 11. Tony  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 4:07 am

    P.S. hope your eyeball gets well soon

    Reply
    • 12. Era  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 5:40 am

      It’s improving but I can’t glace sideways. I have to turn my whole head. It’s kind of a funny symptom that only two out of the four of us have.

      Reply
  • 13. maidinmalaysia  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 11:44 am

    rofl

    Reply
    • 14. Era  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 6:01 pm

      🙂

      Reply
  • 15. wordjunkie  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    I used to, now I get only offers of bargain basement viagra 😦

    Reply
    • 16. Era  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 6:02 pm

      Thankfully, those are contained in my bulk mail so I don’t see them anymore, lol.

      Reply
  • 17. Gary  |  Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    This CRACKED ME UP Era! GREAT POST! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Reply
    • 18. Era  |  Sunday, November 1, 2009 at 4:44 am

      Thanks 🙂

      Reply

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